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May 11
Do Guys Stop Flirting When They Get a Girlfriend?

May 11
He's a Serial Flirter

May 10
Dude, Maybe She's Just Not That Into You

May 10
What Ever Happened to Trust?

May 10
Her Boyfriend Is a Serial Flirter

May 08
He Only Wants To See Her On Weekends...Does That Mean It's Over?

May 06
Friends With Benefits - Confusing Sex With Love

Apr 18
ASK MOXIE - Are You Sending Off The Wrong Signals?

Apr 13
Should She Tell Him She's a Virgin?

Dude, Maybe She's Just Not That Into You

Name: Bobby
Location: New York , New
York |Question: I met this absolutely amazing woman a/b six weeks ago and
we have been going out once a week since. Why is she amazing? She is
absolutely stunning - definitely the most beautiful woman I've ever
dated. (Sometimes I think a little out of my league - kinda like dating
Angelina Jolie) She is engaging, funny and personable although sometimes
a little distant. We have only kissed three times (one real one) yet I
find myself thinking a/b her all the time. She makes herself available
to hang out on weekends but I never can see her during the week. (Her
schedule) She is still not doing the little things that women do to
let you know that they are thinking a/b you. You know - emails to see
how the day is? calls out of the blue for no reason. I have even taken
to dating other women just to get my mind off of her as well as dampen
the impression that I'm smitten, even though I am. I honestly am not
myself with her - hesitant, tentative. This is so not me - I've had
dinner with the President and felt more at ease. Hell, the fact that I'm
writing this damn email says it all to me. I feel like she senses this
and is holding back. Can I tell her that I'm head over heels for her?
It would sure take a load of my mind if she just put me out of my
misery. |Age: 33

Whoops. When you said she was "amazing" I thought that meant she was intelligent, personable and traveling the world adopting orphans. So, she's amazing because she's pretty? Bobby, you live in New York City. Look around. You'll see a stunning woman every 2 blocks. What's so special about this woman?

Is it that she acts distant? Maybe you want her so badly because you think you can't have her? Maybe she knows that whenever she says jump, you'll say "how high?"

You're captivated by this woman because you can't believe she's dating you. Because, like you said, she's out of your league. Is that really a reason to be smitten with someone? Does dating this woman make you feel better about yourself some way? If so, that's not a good enough reason to have a relationship with someone.

If she looked less like Angelina and more like...I don't know, someone not totally hot, would you be as taken with her?

If you're hesitant and tentaive with her then she's probably picking up on that and sensing how into her you are. That over-exurbance is probably what is putting her off. That's why she's not sending you the "thinking of ya!" e-mails. She might not be sure if she wants to encourage you. You haven't said enough about her behavior for me to get a sesne of how she might feel about you. Either she's uneasy with how into her you are or....dum dah dah dum!...she's just not that into you. Hate to say it, but she may just be using you for the infamous "hee! it's a free meal!" dates so that she doesn't sit home alone on the weekends.

The only advice I have for you is to pull way back on the reigns. Let a weekend go without asking her out. If she asks you if you two have plans for the following Saturday, say you have plans EVEN IF YOU DON'T. You don't want to date someone who's going to be stingy with affection or attention, do you? So, to try and figure out where she stands, turn the tables on her. If she's expecting to see you every weekend then take a weekend off. See how she reacts to that. Does she try to get you to make plans with her for the next available weekend? Does she up the attention or start initiating contact? Those are good signs. Just accept the possibility that the reason why she might be holding back is because she's not interested in you the way you hope.

DO NOT tell her you're head over heels for her. I'm pretty sure you're already doing that non-verbally. If you know you're acting tantative around her, I can guarantee that that's coming through in your body language.

Never, ever, EVER tell yourself that you are lucky to be dating someone. Never give away that much power to someone else. You're inviting heartache.

What you need to do is gain more confidence. How about you start telling yourself that she's lucky to be dating you instead of the other way around? Remind yourself of what you bring to the table. Stop tallng yourself how you're the lucky one and start making people see why they're fortunate to be with you.

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http://moxieblog.typepad.com/moxieblog/2006/05/name_bobbylocat.html#comments2006-05-10

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Dude, Maybe She's Just Not That Into You