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Immaculate Deception - False Advertising on dates

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Immaculate Deception - False Advertising on dates

November 14, 2006 -- IT was a second date made in Heaven. Amber and her boyfriend went to the beach - his idea - where they flew kites, frolicked in the surf, and enjoyed a romantic dinner overlooking the ocean.

It was beautiful! It was romantic! It was special!

And nothing like it ever happened again. The idyllic scene was gone with the wind.

"No, it was pretty much fast Mexican food and TV after that," says Amber, 25. "It was like, 'I want you to think I'm more exciting and thoughtful than I really am.'"

Really, can we blame Mexican Food Man? In a city where dating is a competitive sport, sometimes people do whatever it takes to put themselves ahead of the pack - even if it involves employing a quasi-Machiavellian level of cunning and deception. It's false advertising: that crafty thing we do to attract potential mates and ensnare them in our tangled web of love.

When Moxie of MoxieintheCity.net posed the "false advertising" question to readers of her popular dating-advice blog, she was pelted by responses from both men and women. Everyone, it seemed, had a story about being fleeced in the dating game.

"I'm a vegetarian, prefer wine to beer, and books to TV. I don't need my partner to share those preferences with me, but I do need honesty," says Kerrie, 34.

"I met someone online who was 'thrilled' to meet another veggie-only in the city, someone who 'wasn't a TV watcher, dislikes beer, and knows a good red.'"

"It wasn't until Date No. 4 that he invites me over to his pad after an evening of veggie-only tapas. Imagine my surprise when I opened his refrigerator door and found a half-eaten chicken! The kicker was that he said the televisions were for decoration, the beer was for his friends, and that he had cooked the chicken for his cat. When I asked where the cat was, he said it ran away. Huh?"

Laura, a 37-year-old who is now married, was once involved in an e-mail correspondence with a man who called himself "Brooklyn Poet." He was aggressively pursuing her online, sending her messages filled with "all ellipses, lower-case letters, and vague, existential nonsense."

Laura, a self-described "Upper East Side suit-wearing type," politely turned him down a few times, before finally explaining that she simply wasn't interested in poets. "Instantly, the punctuation and capitalization improved, and he revealed that he was some kind of Midtown advertising executive."

Sometimes, false advertising can involve a trick of words or actions - the man who takes you to the ballet on your first date, then reveals himself to be a complete Cro-Magnon thereafter. But sometimes, it's a regular trompe l'oeil, which is French for "When a Girl Wears a Crazy Hot Cleavage Pushup Bra and Then It Turns Out She's Really an A-Cup."

Jordan, 36, had a blind date with a woman he'd "met" on an online dating site. He was standing outside the restaurant, patiently waiting, when he noticed a woman walking toward him, smiling. "It's you!" she said. "And I said 'Hi there, do I know you?' 'It's me,' she says. And it wasn't even that she didn't look like her picture - the picture she posted on the site WAS NOT HER. At all. It was a completely different person."

Not wanting to be rude, Jordan had drinks with the woman. "You know, you look different from your photo," he said, halfway through the uncomfortable meeting. "She said, 'I get that a lot.' And I thought, 'Yeah, I just bet you do.'"

When fibs like these are so easily figured out by the other party, why bother? Wouldn't it be easier, in the long term, to come clean?

"This is Manhattan," Moxie says. "For every one gorgeous, successful woman or man, there's 10 more just like them, but five years younger. The dating scene here is extremely competitive, which is what leads people to present themselves as younger, thinner, richer, etc. If people would start focusing on what truly makes a great partner, then there wouldn't be a need for people to lie."

Publication: New York Post
Website: http://www.nypost.com/seven/11142006/entertainment/immaculate_deception_entertainment_mackenzie_dawson.htm
2006-11-14

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Immaculate Deception - False Advertising on dates